Today there was a IT meeting I think in London, and even if it is nearby, and had been a good chance for me to meet other IT's, it was difficult for me to make a dicision because first of all, the bank won't give me an working credit card or I would call and they won't send it. Or if I get it in my mailbox, it will stop working as soon as I got the pin code. Maybe a bad excuse, I don't know. Or maybe, I am just not ready.
IN the last couple of days, I have been pretty much "busy", I created a group that seems to have no future on netlog about mind control, in the swedish language. But I also started to use Face Book a little more, and created at least a little network of friends that are IT from Europe.
I've been sleep deprived as well, sitting at the computer nights, sleeping daytime. It has always been like that. I have no idea why they must keep me awake every night . It can happen that I can't get any sleep at all.
I've been bothered about the sensibilization to certain words they make by the stalking. The words keeps me feeling guilty, even if I think them, i feel scared and hurt, and I feel like there is a big danger around the corner. I am so tired of being afraid. These words are inner walls created inside of me to keep me in fear. I started to repeat them all over again- the words and the synonims - and i felt a little better. It is like they don't matter to me that much anymore.
On face book, an also school mate appeard, i've not seen him since the 7th grade. We spoke about memories, and I think unfortunately that he turned into a perp, to be clear - I don't know why and how they found him. He even told me that he worked for the secret police and was of high rank... I asked him if he knew anything about brain implants and non-lethal weapons. He didn't answer. Made it sound "very secret" and maybe he didn't even know what I was speaking about. It is actually very difficult to tell if someone is lying or not.
I have also been writing a survey for people that speak swedish, the kind of seen online.
I feel like I DID SOMETHING.
I realized that people often don't want to know, don't want to discuss, don't want to be aware, isn't there at least CURIOSITY? I don't know, maybe in time I would find a way to reach out to people - and make them realize that the danger is not only in our minds, but it is real.
The reason I am writing this is because I read about something called Stockholmsprogrammet that in principle means that europe is not a free "country" anymore. Because it will become one country.