peacepink

Worldwide Campaign to stop the Abuse and Torture of Mind Control/DEWs

This life is too hard to live. All i want to do is throw myself into my mothers arms and cry non-stop telling her everything im going through, but of course no-one believs me. This is somewhat the most painful part, the inability to get support from the people you love. Im thinking of ending my life, really feeling so much pain its unbearable. I want to take an overdose. Im doing all the wrong things, smoking pot, drinking, dabbling in heroin all in an effort to escape. I hate this existence , i cant find anything to live for anymore.  They have stolen all I love and all I live for. Sorry to be so negative i dont mean to depress anyone,  I just dont know why im here anymore except to suffer. So much for all my plans and dreams - everything is broken by them!!

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Comment by bethmcllln on April 14, 2012 at 6:15pm

Hey suzy, not one can tell you what to do, but just give you advice,I really think the alcohol is making you more depressed. so maybe ease of for a while.

please do not do this, you will be giving then the thrill of their life, if you succeed, please think why you  would do it, secondly I know times are rough, but if you give in, they will have won, your friend beth

Comment by Donna (Joy) Plattner on April 14, 2012 at 10:47pm

Hang in there - there a lot of Ti's who are going through the same thing that you are going through. We understrand the emotions that you are going through. You are not alone! (Trust in God) that EH will be brought to a end in the year 2012. I am a Ti and have more bad days then good but I will never stop fighting for what is right and wrong! Your Sister in Christ, Joy

Comment by Rev.Overton on April 15, 2012 at 4:00am
Suzy I hope you can hang in there im doing my best to build a community were ti' s can go I feel just like you do my kidney are organs are suffering from the long exposures I think like you do almost everyday.You must find a way to move on accept you won't be believe at this moment focus on how to gather evidence in a way that can be used in a methodical way.chain of evidence in court please stay strong I feel your pain im sorry we are suffering god bless ...
Comment by Jake Maverick on April 15, 2012 at 8:44am

I know exacly how you feel. I've been trying tu summon the courage for years to o the same. It is not an easy thing to do! Difficult to find the means here also....no tall buildings, I don't even have any rope...

ovedose seems to be th best way, if you can get your hands on the stuff....just amke sure you take enough!

as long as you ae absolutely sure and you have the strength to....you have every right.......what i would also ssay it might be a damnsite easier in smaall groups....I'm UK, but always thought aa mass suicide outside parliaament might also actually achieve....some publicity at least....

trouble is if you fail you locked up and tortured for it....'it's fo your own good, ou should be really grateful to me kind of mentality...'

but i'm expecting trouble again this nexxt week.........i'm through with doingg the Ghandi thing and i jusst hope, beyond hope that i'm not taken alive again....

Comment by Jake Maverick on April 15, 2012 at 8:44am

but please be absolutly sure it is what you want

Comment by Annie on April 15, 2012 at 12:40pm

Suzy, I share all your feelings and like you I am constantly thinking about ending it. They are murderers. Like you I am also trying to find ways to ease the pain in ways that are not good for my body and that I would never have done if things were different. They will pay for their murder and crimes in the end. So did the nazis after the WW2 and so will these murderers. We have to believe in that no matter what. Try to stay strong a little bit more, things are changing and victims are networking and reaching out to the public. Take care/Annie

Comment by D. Brown on April 16, 2012 at 12:07am

Hey Suze I am sorry for how bad they attack you.  I wish they would stop.  I am 15 plus years in this hell and all I have done was drink drink drink with the occaasional marijuana trips but nothing else.  I know if I had access to heroin I would have jumped on the chance instantly.  The thing is, after all this time of medicating my pain and anger nothing has changed and I see that now.  I am trying to cut back on drinking now because I believe sobriety is the best answer.  My point is Suzy is that we don't think with a clear mind when we are drinking and smoking or whatever and if they can mess with us so badly when we are sober just imagine the subtle bull they place in our minds when we aren't.  I have just recently went through that and had to realize that it wasn't my thinking (well sorta) but the alcohol and synthetic marijuana accelerated the process.  But if you must drink, as I still do, just know that if you start to have suicidal thoughts, it is more the substances than your own thinking.  I also know the emotional pain of being sober and dealing with this so believe me I understand.  We just have to get stronger through support from each other and faith in God for those that believe in him.  If not then at least believe in the strength of the number of supporters here that suffer daily.  This can't go on for much longer and I damn sure don't want the future generation of kids to suffer this.  They are bad enough as it is and it just might have something to do with these chips and weapons.  But like Jake said be sure it is what you want and that means take a day or two of sobriety and think things through.  I hate to say it but I wouldn't hold it against you dear.  I would hate it more though if you actually went and did it.  And by the way if there's anyone out there smoking K2 or Spice synthetic marijuana STOP NOW!  I think it is the government that allows it to be sold instead of real weed and it damn near drove me insane.  May God bless you and give you the much needed wisdom and strength that you need. 

Comment by Aaron Stanley on April 16, 2012 at 1:59am

Hi Suzy, I feel the same way. They have ruined my plans and dreams of the future too. Theres stuff they already know about me and stuff they know about what I was going to do in the future but my plans were ruined because of them. They have spread rumors about my life and my personal life. They know about what I wanted to become in the the future, the clothes I wanted wear, the type of woman I want to marry, to the type of music I put in my ears. They know everything about me. They have exploited every aspect of my life and savagely insulted me about it. They have severely insulted me about my musical tastes to the food I put in my mouth. They have ruined all of my plans and dreams, and I will never get them back.

Comment by suzy on April 16, 2012 at 5:03am

Thankyou everyone, its sometimes so hard to come to terms with the life that was once mine that has been so cruelly stolen. I see happy families and i think that should be me, i wanted that in my life, now any notion of a normal life is gone. I dont see what they get out of doing this to us.

Comment by David ofTomorrow on April 16, 2012 at 7:56am

I hope you can find a place of peace in your life. I'm sure you can. Please don't give in to thoughts of dispair. Life always can get better, even when you are a TI.

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