I met with a psychologist yesterday to see if I can get disability from the state of washington. I don't have a lot of hope that it will be approved. I have severe depression and anxiety attacks several times a day. I really want to talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist or whatever, but I can't even do that until after the decision. I've been doing some soul searching and delving back into my childhood, and have some really horrific things to talk about with someone who will help me. I believe I have emotional deprivation disorder (my personality is practically textbook), and some dissociation problems as well.
If I'm not approved to get disability, I've decided I can't stay with my brother. A roof over my head isn't enough to keep me in one place to be poisoned and microwaved on a regular basis. My cognitive ability is weakening, as planned, with my particular targeting program. I'm being "re-trained": well, I've given up activism - not signing petitions online, not discussing politics, etc. Things got better for a while, but if I don't do "enough" housework or yardwork I am punished the next night with stronger microwaves. I believe I'm supposed to become submissive, subservient, and "dumb-downed", and I tell you, I could take the submissive stuff but not the dumb downed stuff.
My former handler, James Lico, keeps trying to convince me to, 1. wait until after the election or after the beginning of the year, all will be fixed with TI's, no more harassment, blah blah blah, and 2. to let him know when I'm leaving and where I plan to go. My answer to his first assertion is RIGHT! Nothing will ever be done to stop the targeting. And my answer to his request to tell him when and where I'm going is FAT CHANCE!
I know this sounds drastic, but the only other option is suicide. And I don't want to die. And I don't think I could do it even if I wanted to.