Everything. I've tried bettering my life, tried the CNA program, tried the para-legal program, dropped out of both of them, and now if I suggest more schooling everyone says, "You're just gonna quit again and then you'll say, why did I waste all that money?" Even things I think I'd be good at like an M>F>A in poetry writing, no, I'd probably fail, I'm defeated, I'm worthless, I'm left for dead, its the this terrible stance I have after having the world set against me, that everything is against me, the ugly mental abuse from DJ's, the media, the reporters locally and on yahoo, they think its somehow fitting or funny or worthwhile to mind fuck a schizophrenic, a person who is being electronically tortured to near death, never telling me the truth, concealing everything from me/ I'd say a 6 year old child has more of a moral compass than these people, more common sense, I mean, does it make sense that the DJ's are watching me? How absurd is that? How completely hideous! And then I find out that a local reporter, a female lesbian, she has written off-handed articles that indirectly attack me, and guess what? They voted her number one news reporter in the Quad Cities!! You know why? Because she may have felt some heat from me for what she said, she may have felt some guilt or some sort of incrimination of what she did, so, they have to build her back up, they have to boost her morale, and here's the main thing, Boost her up, and shoot me down, that's the way it goes, destroy me, cut me down, expect me to be perfect, while they get away with murder. It is murder too, this is killing me. My throat is not right, my drinking is out of control and my pain levels have to be causing potential brain tumors. There were chances blown by the last administration, with the help of the Christians to start this country over, if all these people can't get the job done, to end the torture and targeting, then give them the boot!! Start over. We needed this so badly. We needed Ron Paul. We needed so much from so many, and all they do is turn their heads, laugh, be critical, ignore, become sardonic, carry on as if nothing is happening. Nothing is happening??? Oh yeah, people aren't being tortured electronically. People are not being watched and mentally abused to the point of major mental illness. Let's see, can we just talk about Easter? Oh yeah, its Easter! Well, Happy Fucking Easter to everyone who gets to live a normal, healthy life free from targeting, abuse and torture, and excuse me for being a thorn in your side. Some higher educated populace with their pretensions and big opinions that don't solve anything in the world, while the real people are carrying all the weight of a two-ton world made of rock that can't be blasted out to see the truth. The truth? Its almost 3 months and Obama hasn't done a thing for us. This should have been the very first thing done. All these people lying and withholding information and accusing me of being a bad person, what in the hell is going on here with this country? I don't care anymore. I don't care about the past, barely about the future. I don't care if I fall in love or fall out of love, or fall for more crap that seems good. I don't care about the men I've known, the jobs I could have, the life I could live. I don't care about anything. Yeah, that's really got me pissed off, that the reporters who slam me get awards from their colleagues, even after running me out the door, all of them voted for her, as if to say, We have to all stick together against this common enemy named Sheri Grutz.
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