It has been 3 years since my big event which has led them to stalking. Although looking back my whole life might have been orchestrated, since I had two small holes located next to my left and right ear from the day I was born, which might have been implants.
I was shy and quiet bullied in school, and always had problems expressing how I feel,I had my first nervous breakdown at a game store where I did not know I was actually talking out loud.... there was this other time when I exploded staying indoors and lost my temper and was ranting out loud for over a 3 hours really the first time it when I displayed such anger. I noticed I tend to keep things bottled in and have a hard time expressing how I feel.
I was suicidal and from staying at home everyday I also became extremely paranoid i eventually got help and was and finally get a job. Only thing was that it was extremely stressful and I wasn't used to being in a hostile environment. At first it was alright but eventually being in that hostile environment over time the job took its toll on me. I found out I was able to be nice one second then displaying such hatred for everyone including family and friends the next, which was wierd because it was usually just self hatred before. I also completely lost touch with reality and while exploring my sexuality developed a hypno fetish... however I thought I had privacy while playing an online game, without realizing there was voice chat added, I was invited what turned out to be a chat channel and just about everything I said was broadcasted and thats when what I thought was just computer hacking that it turned out to be so much more.
I made a suicide attempt and what I thought was on my way to recovery I noticed complete apathy towards everything nothing I did interested me and I have such horrible memory now. Also during this time my dad's friend gave us a a dog which is awesome but has the name Jezebel and only recently that they let me find out it is the name of an evil spirit.... I'm 30 years old and they also turned my sexuality way up and tried to change it as was well(i thought I just hit puberty since I was not interested in sex that much at all until about 5 years prior), now I do not even enjoy the masturbation. I have controlled dreams and they have also showed that they can mess around with the rest of my family. I am invaded by intrusive thoughts, they have just started to make me sleep deprived and the worst is trying to speak and it is an ordeal to try not to say the intrusive thought and am always wondering if I had said it or not. I get mood swings, enhanced fears and they have been messing around with the tv and now finding about the v2k I wonder if the tv is saying things thats are not really reall... Cancel
Is there a point in living like this? No interest, memory loss, living like a robot, having your thoughts read, and not even knowing if your being in control of your own body or your damn thinking is just unreal, after they let me find out about this, this is just so disheartening. I am surpirised to actually be able to concentrate enough to write about this. They let me find some things which might reduce it a bit bit, I was a lonely loser before with suicidal tendacies before , now "life" really does not seem to be worth living with all this crap.
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edit: I live in somewhat of the boonies "now"
Yeah i know that some of it has also been of the society pressures , but there are just too many coincidences especially in the past three years which adds up. I never had problems sleeping before, Suspicious dreams, memory loss and other stuff i mentioned before. Also there is a particular message board which seems to be the main culprit for now but there might have been others pulling the strings before this and there increasing my sex drive as I type this.....
I have a interest in technology but they have just recently let me find out about negative emf's i I do live in somewhat of the boonies before and my room is basicially filled with game systems a computer and a printer. So i am going to buy some things that can protect against this.
What I meant to say with this is: many of your feelings maybe due to pressure from the environment, so you should try to find a way of life, which reduces stress. For example the country side maybe better to live in for you than huge cites. A small circle of friends, who support and understand your special abilities is also better than mere buddies. Outdoors physical work may also be much better than shifts in a factory or an office. Spend anyways plenty of time away from people and among trees in parks or even better forests. Need I talk about negative emissions and radiations? Away from people and cities, deep down in the old woods is some peace and quiet still to find.
Thanks I will try to stay strong I will post some things things that might help us, that they let me find out and some interesting interesting articles I have found as well. It seems that most people have been mind controlled to some extent and hypnosis is much more common in the world than I thought where churches even lawyers practice it....
Imagine the following: suppose you would be a very rich man with no need to work, living in a nice house on your own quiet island with only a few tested old servants to cater to your personal needs (like shopping, cooking etc.). Do you think, that your symptoms would somehow improve? Maybe it would take a lot of pressure away from your mind and life, no need to cope with family, 'friends' and colleges. Like my old ethics teacher at school always said: money does not make people happy, but it certainly calms the nerves.