I recently got out of the hospital(suicide attempt) I ate at a quiet place and was fine but still had great apathy, suicidal thoughts, and messed up thoughts that they planted But for the most part i was able to have a normal conversation.
Also noticed a street theatre bit while walking with my parents where someone shouted something along the lines of "you are a loser" which was "supposedly" directed to someone else..... I did not mind dying at all yesterday and my social anxiety was at a minimum.
Now today this morning they let me feel on top of the world which was great i felt happy for the first time in which felt like ages, met with a friend and everything was going great until dinner. i had experienced overwhelming anxiety (i did not feel like this yesterday) most of the time induced psychosis?. I would rehearse what I wanted to say in my mind but something disgusting would try to come out instead. That seems to be a recurring theme.
It seems like it is dangerous to think out loud because they can choose who and where to send your thought voice too. I made attempts to to see if my family can me thinking out loud hear this and almost most of the time no, but other people can differently hear this.
Why can't they use this technology to enhance peoples lifestyle, to better themselves, and be more productive in society instead of encourging suicide.
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I've experienced same and similar Michael, for many many years.
Friends driven away many years ago though- if you still got'em do everything you can to hold on to them is my advice. Do you talk to them about this? Almost impossible to find a way to broach the subject, but I would try if you can.