email: cubicle227 at yahoo . ca - contact me any time for any reason.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Being Mind Controlled (and relevant parts of my life)
My name is Daniel. I was born October 8, 1993. I am a twenty year old male who lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I would like to describe to you the horrendous experiences I’ve had involving mind control and enslavement. I have separated my story into several parts in case you don’t have time to read everything.
Before acute brainwashing:
I had a good childhood until I was eight years old. Because I refused to go to school, Children’s Aid Society of Ontario blackmailed my mother into sending me to a group home, Blooming Acres. Every kid there was required to be on Risperidone (Risperdal). I was traumatically homesick (missing my mother). Jewish Family and Child Services got involved and I was kidnapped and sent to Youthdale (treatment Center) three times, then to Earlscourt, Then to Hincks farm. All of this happened between ages 8 and 12.
Starting around age 9-10, I had insomnia as a result of chronic itchiness at night. I became very aggressive, demanding, short-tempered, and had a highly addictive personality. The first time I seriously said I would kill myself was in a hospital-like setting.
Also around age 9, I could not stand my mother’s talking, nor her frequent nose twitch. I associated it with horrid feelings of anger and entrapment. Instead of childhood friends, I now saw paid social workers. All of them.
Age 15-17, I was addicted to marijuana, alcohol, tobacco, lorazepam (Ativan), zopiclone (Imovane), dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine), lisdexamfetamine (Vyvanse) , and 5-HTP.
I abused/overdosed on DXM (Robitussin cough), diphenhydramine (Benadryl), dimenhydrinate (Gravol), and the hallucinogen Salvia Divinorum.
Before psychotic episode
In April of 2011, aged 17, I smoked salvia and did not feel normal thereafter. I was obsessed with conspiracy theories and major events in the world, mostly related to suffering. I became semi-convinced the world was ending, and felt as though beings from salvia’s world were communicating with me. I began to use the antipsychotic quetiapine (Seroquel), which actually increased my confusion and helplessness. Every night, I was crying, begging to stay sane. In panic, I withdrew from the anti-anxiety/insomnia medication, lorazepam (Ativan), which I had abused daily for a good 18 months (partly to ignore the itchiness and fall asleep).
I was under the impression that people around me were trying to tell me something when they were talking to each other. Sometimes I heard threats, or careless rudeness. I noticed society was becoming robotized, through television, media, and drugs. People began to look like robots.
I also had at least one artificial hypnosis-like dream.
Acute brainwashing, psychosis, Sunnybrook hospital
Early September, 2011
I became convinced I was trapped in a hellish world (salvia’s) and could not escape. I interpreted numbers I saw as the number of years I would be in hell for. Hallucinogens had shown me the subjectivity of one’s perception of time. A day can seem like months. In a panic to escape suffering, I almost cut my throat open, but I had an ambulance called when I realized how insane I was.
The paramedics came and my episode began. I knew something was manipulating my mind directly and remotely. It was as if reality had beaten me, or succeeded in trapping me. On the way to the hospital, I went into a panic attack. Once there, a force kept me inside, and I could feel the oppressive psychotronic atmosphere of the hospital. I was too scared to leave. My gut told me “RUN!!!” but I was becoming paralyzed. I was terrified of myself, too. I was under the impression that I was about to be killed, and had to reproduce by any means before that. I was forced to visualize brutal rape.
“Be afraid,” I saw in text, after needles had been stuck in me, one of which had no clear purpose, no blood drawn, nothing visibly injected.
During assessment, I almost forced myself to believe I was being honest when I was lying, as I had to be convincing. I felt euphoric from lying for the first time in my life. I felt as though I had to avoid psychological traps and survive, not to be triggered to gouge my own eyes out or kill myself.
A voice was telling me to “Survive” as though I was in an existential experiment. “Survive insanity.”
I was taken to the ward in a wheelchair, as I was too high to move or speak. I closed my eyes and felt as though an android was pushing me through a room shaped as a figure-eight (infinity), indefinitely. The universe became lifeless. Humans had become robots. I was in a building, trapped by robotic humans trained in psychological warfare. I knew I was going to be turned into an unconscious robot like them.
I was taken through the adolescent ward and put to bed. Briefly opening my eyes, I accidentally came to believe I had been put into an oven. I was catatonic with fear, but fully awake. I suspected I had long been trapped in a sponge room and was living a hallucination. I had visions which seemed to push or program me toward overdosing on salvia all over again.
I also had visions and fears involving my body parts being cut off. I may now have mild perceptual anomalies related to this (mostly hands). Also, ideas about being “woken up” and realizing I was in the pentagon or a secret base, my life being a projected illusion. A patient there showed me drawings and told me stories that were completely detached and caused me insanity. Steps were taken to use the afterlife and beyond-life ideas to make the psychological torture more severe.
I was kept on quetiapine (Seroquel) and the lorazepam (Ativan) withdrawal continued.
It was almost as if I was not in reality, but in a testing program or afterlife, where people were unreal and all aspects of time and suffering ranged from negative infinity to infinity, as was desired by the satanic perpetrators. Ideas about the afterlife were used to deepen the psychological torture.
Lines I remember:
“We’re going to turn you into a diamond” (from heat and pressure)
“We’re going to turn you into a black hole of pain”
Kept awake until completely exhausted.
I was tortured for trying to resist the torture.
The next day(s), I was taken to a kitchen with two large, noisy “food heaters.” Very much like powerful sterilizers. They kept me in severe panic. As a result of lorazepam withdrawal, the intensity of the noise/hum of the heaters was highly overwhelming. There was a constant fear of being forced into, or putting myself into these food heaters, combined with ideas related to infinite torture, heat, and length of entrapment. I was constantly told, covertly, “Don’t eat that, it’s LSD/salvia/poison!”
I will describe a few sessions:
Constantly second-guessing myself, I would eat a single pea at a time, trying to see if it was poisonous. I was so thirsty. The juice I had just drunk seemed, in my mind, to be a potent hallucinogen and I could feel myself going into yet another trip. Catch-22 / being trapped or “too late” was a recurring theme. Ideation about being stuck in the food heater, with its adrenaline and panic-producing hum, led to seeing myself melting in agony and becoming liquefied from the heat, which symbolized my stress. I heard a merging/melting sound and felt like there was a short-circuit in my brain.
It looked like I was eating my own brain and I didn’t want to eat the part that kept me conscious and alive.
In another session, fish I was eating turned into my mother’s essence, and I could not dissociate from having to decide between cutting off and eating either her head or her body. This came largely from the medication, fear produced by the heaters, and separation anxiety from my mother.
I was in constant fear that she would be hurt or killed if I disobeyed as I was constantly threatened with this. Later in my stay at the hospital, we went out to eat and I saw her fall, hit her head on the sidewalk and bleed, but I felt almost nothing because I had been dehumanized. The perpetrators have frequently taken advantage of this event to make me feel sad and helpless.
At some point, I became unable to cry and began to have tactile hallucinations of crying and drooling, things which had happened during the trauma.
A quiet girl named ELIZABETH was going through similar suffering as I. Terrified, I could see, she had peed right in front of me. Before leaving, I gave her a hug and she became much more talkative. I wish I could see her again.
After acute brainwashing, continued constant abuse
A week after coming home, I found drugs and immediately abused them. Same drugs as before. As soon as I smoked marijuana, I heard “kill kill kill” every second I was high. This means all day for months. I knew I had been deprogrammed into a killing machine. I still battled a feeling that I was being programmed to rape or murder someone. I had never before heard “kill” like this.
It was a feeling that the universe was ritually abusing me, preparing me for sacrifice. I tried to induce the feeling of melting in an oven. I was obsessed by it and fetishized it. My life was about reducing the burning pain in my heart from being in Sunnybrook. My heart felt like ash, charred and dead. I could hear my catatonic self screaming in pain. The drug use continued for 3-4 months. For one month I was almost stuck in a room, continuously using drugs, then waiting, using, waiting, doing nothing but hoping for my life to end. I was allowed not one moment of relaxation, always reminded (through artificially induced hallucinations) of my traumatic experience.
I was returned to Sunnybrook hospital for four months, but thank goodness it was not nearly as bad this time. Upon release, I used drugs more sparingly. I was in constant fear of going back for the next phase of torture and trauma. I tried to find others like me. I yelled “HELP!” in public, thinking if even one person realizes what I’m going through, it’ll have been worth it. I was unable to say much else. I wanted everyone to know about me before I was trapped in a psychological, hallucinatory version of the heater, being tortured endlessly.
I had visions of exponential and indefinite torture and entrapment.
Afterward, I was sent to Sunnybrook (adult ward) a third time, and later to CAMH and St. Joseph’s hospital. All forced me to stay inside the ward and ingest medication.
Remaining Side effects
It’s been two and half years. I have not abused drugs in five months. Almost every second, the perpetrators try to communicate with me by reading my mind and replying through twitches in my fingers and face, like sign-language. They constantly trigger the hallucinatory crying and drooling, which reminds me of the trauma and blocks my thoughts from progressing. I see a skull when I close my eyes, almost every day, related to that day in the kitchen when my psyche melted, and also related to a more minor catatonic episode for which I was taken to Sunnybrook the third time.
When I specifically resist or give in to the itch torture, several spots are added and it becomes worse.
When it comes to imprisonment or abuse, the law can do whatever it wants to. But something deep within me knows I will get them back for what they did to me, regardless of what they do to me and where they send me. I will take full advantage of the situation I’m in to expose the perpetrators and help other victims.
Also, my life is good aside from the mild constant torture that remains.