I haven't been on for awhile and miss all that is going on.  But I remember to pray for all who are harassed,  and I pray for the harassers also.  It may not help them... then again, who can tell. I would love to see them change.

I appreciate the red ribbon from cat cat who is a caring person. I have been totally occupied trying to take care of my daughter, who is slowly passing away.

It does not help much that all my siblings are OLD ,  like me!  I have a brother who has been in assisted care for awhile, now my younger sister has been put in nursing home.

As if life were not hard enough, my personal demons pick on my right knee all the time-  and walking becomes a torture.  One day, they will pay a lot for that, if they do not repent and change.

     This is February,  and 2016 has merely begun-  yet I have a string of new 'hurts' for the year, in these New year days.  Yesterday, I turned a corner to leave a shopping aisle to move to another one...  there was a flash of shock-  came up my legs through my body and out my fingertips and brain in about 1 second or even less. Then the immediate pressure began on my eyes and emotions, "Cry, fool, cry it hurts" AS I stood shaken, and trying to recover, I began praying AS I ALWAYS DO IN THE INCIDENCE OF HELLISH HARASSMENT....And I was capable of not crying until the trauma passed.  A blessing indeed.

Trying to get into the vehicle and disembark from it, to go ANYWHERE, I am given painful knees, jelly legs and hurting toes. Trying to walk to shop, I am mostly short of breath, or coughing, or expelling phlegm from my bronchi. Tortured with bronchial asthma and sinusitus, I snort along.

Last two evenings, I had painful neck, tension, legs hurting and terrible jabs of stinging and itching until my sleep med put me out of the misery.  There is a splotch of RED skin, just above my left breast and just under the collar bone that looks like I have a DISEASE. It is burned there by laser or whatever they use, and is MADE to itch on their command. I put cortisone on it, and get a measure of relief for a few minutes but they can override most medication. Medication works on the nerves and senses in the area, but the perps can put such SUGGESTION in the mind, that you believe it is still bothering you.

Most of us realize that much of our 'thinking',  feeling sleepy,  depressed, or angry... is a lot of subliminal suggestion hitting our brain like a tsunami.  We know that we are being 'controlled' to the extent they can succeed.  But I am here to tell you,  it is NOT suggestion when a laser beam pops me in the head,  when they tip over the bile from the gall bladder or start stomach acid flowing until I burn like drinking drano:  and it is not mental suggestion when I am pushed and almost fall on steps or graded walkways, just because I am old and somewhat unstable in gait.  It is NOT suggestion when my nose begins to bleed all over my face and stops just as suddenly.  Nor is it them just 'telling me' when I am stirring dinner and my sinus is tweaked and a stream of hot mucus just drops out of a nostril  and I barely avoid throwing a dish away, (or maybe i have to).                                 Then some of my most hateful moments are running to the bathroom, while I am 'going' all down my legs. And it has happened in my bed, but I am NOT having a problem with kidneys or stool. Just the things he does to me.   All these are followed by laughing up my ear on the right side.
But there is the other side of the coin,  the times they work HARD FOR THE SEX, the reason they bother with their program on me.  They can put their arms around me, I feel them hug, and stretch me as I get the relaxing feeling of a great stretch and sigh.  All the time they are doing that, I have a large member placed in both orifices and pressed. It is NOT as pressuring as it would be if a person was here and it be literal, but it is powerfully suggestive.  My problem is NOT with having sex.... my problem is their attempt to force me to worship them, to hold them in the highest place in my life and drop ALL my family needs to do whatever they wish WHENEVER.  And yes,  I was told that ON THE FORUM where I met one of them,  "I am your SHAMAN"   "You are my slave"  This was supposed to be fun and a crazy crone thread... but In my heart I knew it went deeper than that.
I am not a part of any forum or chat room anymore. and the "Abuzz" was taken down from the NYT partly because of this kind of thing.  I wrote to the people and the paper, and they were not able to do anything about it but they got out of the business fast.
During this past evening, I was woken and my hands made to hurt horribly. It is like they are in a vise, and they press as hard as they can to just not break the bones.  My legs are jumping and my head hurting, and no amount of sleep med will allow me to sleep. So I am living with about 3 to 4 hours in the night and one hour to two in the day-- and my health is going down of course, due to lack of sleep.
I have prayed a lot for the Lord to have them KNOW I am deeply troubled and continuously busy with a daughter slowly dying and a lot of work to care for. But they pay little attention to such things.

I never dreamed anyone would come to live at the level the men have, who found themselves ARMED with a satellite, that can do SO MUCH. I know they have no real authority to arouse, tempt sex with or torture persons, and they seem to be so protected doing it.... as in, no one checks what they do, they just have free reign to force people, hurt them, sleep deprive them, and choke them just as they please. I was tormented and punished even when I TRIED to please them. The demands were outrageous and beyond what a person could stand, and as I fought them off in the name of the Lord, HE came to help me greatly

Now, what they do to the waste material in my body... in order to 'enjoy' anal sex as i daily HAVE to defecate, is a sick and degenerate thing . Some how, they drain the normal water that would come to the bowel to moisten and assist defecation of waste--off, and eliminate it by causing me to urinate. A LOT'

Then they somehow manage the waste into a long rope tight enough to barely be pushed through my sygmoid, into the large colon and squeaking out -slowly, painfully, and difficultly.  While this act of bowel movement is happening, the perp has his member there in the channel,  being stroked by the movement of the long 'turd' of waste..  all this to gratify his desire to have sex in a tight channel whether the defecator wants to share sex with him or NOT,  This is a traumatizing, uncomfortable, abnormal raping of someones peace, a n assault on their  desires, and holding their privacy hostage.

I would like to come face to face with a man so desperate for a sexual union that he has to torture and slowly kill an old woman to gratify himself, and in such a humiliating way!!  I pray even,,, that one day their wife or kin would walk in and see them on the screen.. in the throes of passion, making love to a pile of dung.

'A man is born as many men.... and dies as one.'

Hello again.  I came here a couple of years back and made 19 blog posts, mostly in ANGER, and resentment of all that happens to me.

Of course I still believe it is wrong, and the perpetrators have no legal or maral right to do what they do.  They truly are criminals according to the code of Law in our country.

Yet, I have tried HARDER and with prayer, to live for Christ, despite all that I endure daily and nightly. I have asked God to help me accept LIFE or Death... whatever happens because ot the consequences of my own actions.

As I have prayed for years, I feel the Spirit of God telling me, to remember and note that He asked us to FORGIVE those who despitefully use us, to forgive trespasses against us, even as HE forgives our trespasses. I feel I have failed to include this altogether in my Christian life.

I am sad and sorry for all the things I participated with and among in the old Crones forum, and all the silliness that went with it. I am sorry that I did not EVEN know how I felt about things, and I know now, it (by explanation) was like a mid life crisis, and I was trying to find attention again, as in my younger days.

I forgive those who spoke against me or hurt me, and I forgive these sexual perpetrators, who UNWAVERINGLY lash against me physically and mentally night and day. I pray they will UNDERSTAND whether it matters to them or not, they have a grasp on the flesh,  and it dies.

I Praise God, who Saves and keeps us IN JESUS NAME, forever AMEN.