I told my brother today that I will be leaving to go to the local shelter/halfway house. The real reason I want to leave isn't the one I told him. I told him that it wasn't working out here, that I felt like a burden. He didn't argue with me, which tells me they really don't love me or care for me as they said. They don't give a flying eff about me. They'll never believe that I was manipulated into behaving in a way that would get me to the point I am.
I also told my son I can't bear to see or talk to him (he was involved in gaslighting me with my sister Janice, and poisoned items in a suitcase before I left her house). He pretended to cry, and also pretended that he didn't remember telling me a couple years ago that he wished I wasn't his mom, that he wished that one of my sisters was his mom. Just more bs gaslighting. The reason I told him I couldn't bear to talk to him anymore is because right after I talked to him and started getting upset and missing him, the auditory harassment began again. It had stopped for 2 days - I'd found a way to become totally at peace and relaxed, despite repeated attempts by family and other gangstalkers to startle me and get me upset. I can't share what the trick is because it wouldn't help anyone else in the world. Anyway, after leaving messages on my son's cell phone for several days and not getting any response, I believe he was told to answer my call so I would get upset again. And lo and behold! I got upset, and they were able to re-initiate the auditory stuff. So it I am going to survive I have to shut those feelings down. And I'm finding it easier and easier to do. I'm sorry that I have been forced to give up my son's love. But he left me no choice when he chose to participate in my abuse. I won't sacrifice myself for love that isn't real.
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