My story - special case?

So things started to get really shitty about an year ago. I moved in in my father's apartment in another town and started to work at an industrial chicken farm in april last year. The first month was ok, but after that the nightmare started. Everybody was acting as if they were stealing from that farm and they were selling the stuff they stole to the mafia. They made me feel like I was getting into deep shit and a lot of killer-faced guys started to wander around my neighborhood and thorwing threataning looks at me. But the worst part was when I went to my sister's birthday party somewhere outside town and they all acted as if they were going murder me in the near future (my sister works for the romanian secret service btw and her boss and collegues were there too, which made me think that they were involved aswell). After that I began to see a lot of black jeeps and vans wherever I went. They were making me believe that I was being monitored wherever I went. But I eventually found out that they were just intimidating me.

Then they made me feel like I had some sort of special powers. First I could listen to each and every sound individually and that had a calming effect (some sort of sound meditation). Then I started to see everything that was moving in my sight and I could rapidly shift my view from one object/person to another. After that I found out that my mind was being read by everyone around me. People would mention things I was thinking and everybody would act according to my thoughts. 

Then the nightmare of continuous sounds and nasty impulses started. I could hear continous sounds everywhere. First there were intrusive thoughts (of all kinds) and they would irritate me making my heart and brain shiver whenever I wanted to watch TV or play pc games. And instead of joy they would make me feel a mania-like state. Then they would make me feel like I wanted to kill people. I was feeling like a running amok but they were disrupting these thoughts with brief loud sounds. I was looking in the mirror but I couldn't recognize myself. And I also had some dreamlike states (derealization). I ran away from home trying to commit suicide somewhere in the countryside but they didn't let me do it.

After that I moved in with my sister in the capital. But things didn't change. I would still have really nasty intrusive thoughts and impulses. And everybody was still acting as if they wanted to let me know that they were reading my mind. After a major rage attack I decided to go to a mental ilness facility and remained there for about 3 weeks. They misdiagnosed me with schizophrenia. There they made me feel extremely restless. After checking out of hospital, I would feel an extreme desire to work and I was energetic and all. But after I found a job, they would make me feel tired all day, everyday. I had to quit after only 7 days. 

Lately they have been using other types of torture. They would make me look at people and pop out undesirable thoughts about them. And they also make me feel like I no longer have any control on my body at all and think that this will never end. And they can cancel the effects of everything that brings me joy or relaxation. They would also increase my hunger and irritation when I used to work.

They can control everything (my thoughts, my mood, my senses, my moves). I can feel the impulses (this is not something natural). I can feel my brain and my heart shiver whenever they give me an impulse.

And all the people around me are acting like they want to let me know that they know about what is happening to me. And sometimes they traumatize me through other people's actions. One time my sister had sex with her husband in the bed I was sleeping without even checking if I was asleep. Or on 1st january my sister started to slap the shit out of me, believing that I lost her cats (they were under the bed), then her husband started to slap the shit out of her.

They've put me through many mental illnesses (schizophrenia, cyclothymia, borderline, pure OCD, ADHD). I tried to commit suicide a couple of times since this started, but they never let me, and I frequently think about death especially when they are torturing me. I even started to cut myself during the crisis.

I quit 3 jobs in the past year and I feel like this unbearable part of my life is never going to end. I believe that they started to monitor me about 7 years ago after my mother died. I'm suspecting that most of my family is involved one way or another. And of course the secret services. 

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  • So for how long is this happening to you? Do they ever stop and leave victims alone?

    And also, what do they win if they torture us? At first I thought they were experimenting psychological torture methods on me, but seeing how many of us there are, surely the methods they apply on me have been applied on others aswell, so I really don't get the point.

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