Under constant pressure

I felt a need to write something, a need to hear some comforting words, a need to speak with people who are friendly with me...During the last period I was avoided as the plague...insulted, emotionally assaulted...and lately, after being labelled as terrorist and dangerous for a while, they are labelling me as "psychopathe"...It is not easy to  deal with people who shoot you as soon as you turn the back "insane, silly, foolish, psychopathe.., I hate you..." The new-comers to the university are usually kind with me but few days later they are as "awarned" to not speak with me so they change their attitude towards me...It's an unbelievable silly situation...
I am struggling to focus on my job but I have to confess that takes me an superhuman power...I cry when I come back home and sometimes I can't even stop myself crying at work so I hide in the toilet until I can manage my sadness...
If these people know how kind and lovely I am they will stop that ...they will know that what they are doing is cruel...is a crime...Why they don't ask themselves: how could a such lovely girl be a terrorist? or dangerous person?...they won't believe such a lies... Nevertheless, sadly they do!
It seems that the majority of people like to gain self-esteem by speaking badly about others and that a cooperative movement of such widespread makes them affirm their belonging: we are accepted at this society because we are engaged in the harassment and punishment of the same "evil" people...we are better than this trash that we were asked to torture..and that will give them the privilege of "Collaboration"... This unbelievable but true...
I am doing tremendous efforts to focus on my work but it is a very difficult task !! every aspect of my life was controlled to make me bring me down, to lead to my failure...

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  • It's an as*-backwards mentality when people are paid to harass other people, but somehow that's what this program is about, so try to laugh about the stupid tricks that they play. Mine even have kids infiltrate the neighborhood and get the other kids into the harassment program. Some of these kids are 8 yrs old or younger, but they seem to be testing what my reaction will be as they trespass upon my backyard to play football. I tell them calmly and firmly to go somewhere else because they're committing a crime and trespassing upon private property. They usually listen and go elsewhere, but they seem to test my reactions regularly and it does become annoying.
    It's incredible that a program pays people to be bullies, so I guess I do my best to humanize these bullies.
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