You can't watch the tv or radio without getting harassed to some extent and going out too . I have found some positive digital songs to try to cheer me up.

I realized i am being a spoiled brat while in the hospital, I am trying to change but everything I do they seem to mostly dislike.  I am also now seeing a psychotherapist.... The lack of not being able to distract yourself is very hard.

So what does everyone do for fun? I like walking my dog and looking at nature in my backward and playing games with my family but i would like to be with the public.

Btw anyone seen the new the AArp magazine? 

there is a good article on ways to "bounce back" and article on Patrick Stewart on battling the darkness within that seems interesting for us. 

   I recently got out of the hospital(suicide attempt)  I ate at a quiet place and was fine but still had great apathy, suicidal thoughts, and messed up thoughts that they planted But for the most part i was able to have a normal conversation.

 Also noticed a street theatre bit while walking with my parents where someone shouted something along the lines of "you are a loser" which was "supposedly" directed to someone else.....  I did not mind dying at all yesterday and my social anxiety was at a minimum.

Now today this morning they let me feel on top of the world which was great i felt happy for the first time in which felt like ages, met with a friend and everything was going great until dinner. i had experienced overwhelming anxiety (i did not feel like this yesterday) most of the time induced psychosis?. I would rehearse what I wanted to say in my mind but something disgusting would try to come out instead. That seems to be a recurring theme.

It seems like it is dangerous to think out loud because they can choose who and where to send your thought voice too. I made attempts to to see if my family can me thinking out loud hear this and almost most of the time no, but other people can differently hear this.

Why can't they use this technology to enhance peoples lifestyle, to better themselves, and be more productive in society instead of encourging suicide.

I am trying to find peace but the moment i try to distract myself everything I do  seems on the news or listening to music shows what i am thinking or my behaviors What is this? I do hate god for this but i am trying to find strength in prayer and believing again, but the devil seems to interject or they are placing strange thoughts in my head then they being two weeks of sleep deprivation, hermitisim, with only one good night rest has only made me mentally worst. 

Unfortunately I was already labeled a schizo, even though at the so know one would believe this, the rest If only this was a false reality on the "program" or  derealization,  how I hope it is either of those. I never thought I would experience something like this in my lifetime and it is downright scary. I just want it to stop.

They let me find this, haven't read it yet seems to be in great detail hope they don't mess with the link

It has been 3 years since my big event which has led them to stalking. Although looking back my whole life might have been orchestrated, since I had two small holes located next to my left and right ear from the day I was born, which might have been implants.

I was shy and quiet bullied in school, and always had problems expressing how I feel,I had my first nervous breakdown at a game store where I did not know I was actually talking out loud....  there was this other time when I exploded staying indoors and lost my temper and was ranting out loud for over a 3 hours  really the first time it when I displayed such anger. I noticed I tend to keep things bottled in and have a hard time expressing how I feel.

  I was suicidal and from staying at home everyday I also became extremely paranoid i eventually  got help and was and finally get a job. Only thing was that it was extremely stressful and I wasn't used to being  in a hostile environment.   At first it was alright  but eventually being in that hostile environment over time the job took its toll on me.  I found out I was able to be nice one second  then displaying  such hatred for everyone including family and friends  the next,  which was wierd because it was usually just self hatred before. I also  completely lost touch with reality and while exploring my sexuality developed a hypno fetish... however I thought I had privacy while playing an online game, without realizing there was voice chat added,  I was invited what turned out to be a chat channel and just about everything I said was broadcasted  and thats when what I thought was just computer hacking that it turned out to be so much more.

I made a suicide attempt  and what I thought was on my way to recovery I noticed complete apathy towards everything nothing I did interested me and I have such horrible memory now.  Also during this time my dad's friend gave us a a dog which is awesome but has the name Jezebel and only recently that they let me find out it is the name of an evil spirit.... I'm 30 years old  and they also turned my sexuality way up and tried to change it as was well(i thought I just hit puberty since I was not interested in sex that much at all until about 5 years prior), now I do not even enjoy the masturbation. I have controlled dreams and they have also showed that they can mess around with the rest of my family.  I am invaded by intrusive thoughts,  they have just started to make me sleep deprived and  the worst is trying to speak and it is an ordeal to try not to say the intrusive thought and am always wondering if I had said it or not.  I get mood swings, enhanced fears and they have been messing around with the tv and now finding about the v2k  I wonder if the tv is saying things thats are not really reall... Cancel

Is there a point in living like this? No interest, memory loss, living like a robot, having your thoughts read, and not even knowing if your being in control of your own body or your damn thinking is just unreal, after they let me find out about this, this is just so disheartening.  I am surpirised to actually be able to concentrate enough to write about this.  They let me find some things which might reduce it a bit bit, I was a lonely loser before with suicidal tendacies before , now "life" really does not seem to be worth living with all this crap.