I will do the best I can to write what I still can. I can't go online as much now. Every attempt to borrow a PC is an excuse for them to attack me. They accuse me of everything imaginable so they can justify not allowing me to use the computer. I am risking it though. I need to let snippets of the truth come out before they can eliminate me and they cover the cause of the death up.
1. Four or so days ago, I started writing about what I realized.
The people working for us - the all-around assistant (cook, secretary, accountant, etc), the laundrywomen, gardener, etc... who come from one family alone.. are directly connected to the NPA mistress who threatened my father she'd have her kins and barrio-folks attack his family more than two decade ago.
The uncle is the NPA mistress's best friend (he used to work with the laundrywoman but when his attacks became too obvious, he was asked not to come first by his sister (the laundrywoman). Their style has always been that way, it's a recurrent habit. They let the tension simmer then they attack again.
Days ago, when I asked about my father's mistress - why they know her (I never asked about such stuff before, only when I pieced together the pieces did I start asking) - the all-around assistant/trustee (the daughter) said: we are from the same barrio, i think my mother is her classmate.
Just days ago, it hit me that the puzzles I could not get an answer to before converged at a certain point: the time the NPA mistress and her family threatened they will attack my father and his family.
The classmate in 1st year who became a very close friend (who I found later was the one spreading stories to destroy me) was such a puzzle for me. We didn't have any issue before I realized she was betraying me. Up till the point I discovered some of what she was doing (After several years of trying to dismiss the obvious. I trusted her too much.)
it was but lately I allowed myself to process it, when I realized how undeniably connected to my perps she has been - back in first year high school, she kept talking about an aunt very close to her - her favorite aunt - an NPA rebel.
I realized just lately, after I allowed myself to finally ask about my father's dalliances (before I tried to not know anything about their issues more so that when my mother is beset by anger with my father, it's me she lashes at frequently) - the time she became my classmate was but months after my father had a relationship with the NPA mistress (I was only told about it years later, when the threats escalated.When the mistress demanded my father leave his family or else she'd destroy us).
Her NPA aunt was in the same area as my father's NPA mistress was. At the same period of time (before the NPA mistress went down the mountains).
That apparently was also the period, the people still now here, started working for us.
2.There are scattered snippets of what I have been undergoing in different journals that I wrote. I have been sealing my things knowing now that the people I used to trust, the people in this house, are involved. I have written everything because I now realize one thing. I thought my parent was but being a mean parent when as a child she would attack me with words like : "You are too quiet. That's what crazy people do." or "Intelligent people who are too quiet will end up crazy", etc...
As a child, I wondered how she could be so mean as to label me that just because she said I am intelligent or that I keep to myself (with people who keep tearing you down, will you still share your ideas knowing that every time you do it, it will another thread to be twisted and to attack you with?)
It has escalated in so many and extreme proportions , me not saying anything about everything I've gone through as a child, trying to protect them from malicious tongues (I know how it feels like to be torn down in pieces with words every time. As a child, it was a firm resolve I had not to utter anything if it would not be a good word at all. That's why it took me so long to finally make a stand. I had to see my life in tatters , my reputation become non-existent, me become a mother before I finally decided I should speak up... otherwise I will die with the truth buried with me.)