I am on the outside, right? So, those people on the inside, like the government, the media, the magazines, the radio, these people see me as not being involved in the way the world works, as separate, or apart from the system. They see me as an easy target for people like them to criticize and put down and make worse of the situation, because I've been made to be on the outside, and therefore deserve to be treated badly. The brain feels this, this sort of not belonging, this kind of bullying and then it becomes self-defeating paranoia, so a person like me cannot exist fully as a citizen besides these other people who are on the inside. This is targeting that destroys the thinking. The brain continues to be faulty and find more and more reason to be a target from these inside influences. Then, if the target decides to fight the system, the target is seen as the enemy, and is tortured electronically with weapons. Then, the target will be the enemy for life and the insiders will put up walls to keep the target out of the inside where the workings of the world still have to go on and they must deny that they know about the person on the outside and how bad it is. The elite control the world. The elite make all the decisions of what to include and what to keep out. They have to protect their enterprise. They do this by keeping the enemies out, the targets. We are hated more by them, and in turn tortured more, either from implants, or weapons, or from the body and brain of the target that is made to self-destruct. Then the target is defeated, and those on the inside grow stronger, colder, and more exclusive.
Read more…
When speaking on the tornado that ripped through a town here in Iowa last year, he said:"We need to get in there and show these people that we care. We need to take every active opportunity to help our fellow citizens at this very trying time. It is essential that we help them recover, rebuild and feel safe again. Its something that we must do."Wow. If that attitude was applied to targets like me, if my fellow Iowans took that to heart and came to my aid, I wonder how that would feel? All we have here is ignoreland, oh, watch the destruction, but ignore.
Read more…
During sexual attacks, we may actually start to like it as a means of coping with the invasion to our bodies, and this is the way the brain compensates for being violated, it doesn't know how to cope and therefore, finds an escape through pleasure instead of pain.During torture, the brain does the same thing, it is not sure how to process long duration of electronic pain to the head, so the (voices, thoughts, mind set) is to start to like it as a way of dealing with the overwhelming sense of never getting out of it, or of it killing them. There is some truth to the fact that the the person who is being killed falls in love with his killer right before he dies. For me, being driven down with electronic torture felt like being taken down in flames, and my brain kept saying, "Sweet torture," it was the way I escaped when the certainty of pain could not possible be acknowledged enough as being bad.
Read more…
Our schizophrenia.com board is recently being infiltrated with trolls, and my assumption now is that they are not only trolls, but perps. Here's a few of the exchanges:Hello, I was just wondering if you guys think that paranoia is normal? Everyone experiences it. You don't have to have a disease to have it. I have been battling with it SEVERELY, lately. I actually can't sleep right now because it's so bad. What am a I paranoid about? Well..............Did you guys ever feel like you're being made fun of and you are too sick to even realize it? For example: You post something on this site and then people reply back, some of them are really mocking you secretly with their words of sympathy? Also, when some people reply back with their own incidents, that they are really trying to tell you that your story is nothing special? Can you beleive that goes through my mind? Did you guys ever worry that there is a secret club amongst the people on this site? People who have given into thier sickness and love to be insane? Did you ever worry that these people believe in their dark voices and actually believe as well as worship the demons that haunt them? Wow, you all must think I'm really sick to even be parenoid of this kind of stuff.What if this club thingy was constantly intiating people from this site. What if their initiation was something like.....Who can tell the best story.......or who can give the most support......or who can get the most to view/reply to their message? Maybe even who could get the AAG to post something with their comments? I worry about how long this kind of thing has been going on.Anyway.....I have such a big headache from these paranoid thoughts. I know this is a serious site for those who are seriously in trouble. I mean, what kind of sick, disgusting bunch of people would turn against people with their own mental condition just to be accepted into something so dark and evil?MY KIND OF PEOPLE, THATS WHO! Check your emails peeps! Are you in? Only 6 of you didn't make it, but I think 4 dropped out. For the leftover 2, "If you, at first, don't succeed, try, try, again. Drinks on Mike! ( Sorry, no Crystal Pepsi.)Thank you Lady. I'm In! You haven't responded to my email, yet. Sorry, I know you're busy. ( I don't think they get it.) LOL Anyway, get back to me. Let me know what's up. Oh and smile! You're on Candid Camera! LOLThank you. You won't regret it.
Read more…
The year I became aware that I was being watched, laughed at, criticized, played with and left for dead, was the year that the internet came out, 1994, so these people who are tuning in, they are either viewing me through the internet or through satellite, or both. I have never gotten the proof that I am being watched, and so, the mental anguish of trying to get inside the minds of others who know about this, to know what they know, has been crippling. These people have withheld all of the information I need to (1) feel that I am not crazy, (2) prove to my parents and my friends, (3) find a lawyer, (4) remove the barriers that keep me from taking part as a natural citizen in this world. Who are these people? The radio stations, mainly DJ's. The news media, television, print, internet from around the world. People in my town who are either asked to keep tabs on me, or feel the need to out of a duty to protect the town and my children from me. Certain people in society like hospital administrations, college researchers, government officials, military and NASA personnel. People that I wonder are watching me: former friends, boyfriends, teachers, classmates. All in all, there is a sizable amount of people who are withholding information from me, causing such mental distress that it makes daily life difficult. They are guilty of the way I am made to feel: anguish, frustration, anger, helplessness, hopelessness, on top of a very serious paranoid condition. They perpetuate this crime and push it further into the future with no hope for getting it resolved. They haven't come forward for 15 years, and they, likely, never will. It is a grand conspiracy, masterfully done and hidden in the every day workings of the world.
Read more…
My daughter, Beth, was born with cystic fibrosis, and most years we get involved in the annual Great Strides walk to raise money for a cure. I've been asking for donations or donated items for the silent auction at the walk,and the response has been OK. I need more cash donations though. If any of you can spare $10 to our team, Band For Beth, it would be greatly appreciated.http://www.cff.org/great_strides/If you click on the state of Iowa, we are under the Quad Cities walk and our team name is Band For Beth, and you may need to search under my name, Sheri Grutz to give the donation.http://www.cff.org/great_strides/Any questions, you can just email through this site and I'll help you out.Sheri
Read more…
That terrible woman who lifted lines from Welcome to Holland, we will have to show her that it is copyrighted, she can't get away with that, and she has a daughter with cystic fibrosis while she's a target and everyone watching her, why does this have to happen to good people like us, so we have to tell her that 65 Roses is copyrighted too before she goes and tries writing something very similar or very much in the same vein...no, let's make sure we get this right---we can steal from her, but she cannot. Are we understanding this? Maybe someone should call her up and tell her that all these really profession-all people don't take her writing seriously now, and she can never write again. Tell her, that we are all watching her and she cannot get away with anything. Doesn't she realize that most things are protected in this world, just because she isn't doesn't mean that everything is up for grabs. This is our world, this is the world where people write and have their works copyrighted and protected and I see that she writes and lets everyone take anything from her. Why does she put all of her good writing out there for anyone to steal? Are you kidding me, you mean she doesn't lock her doors at night? No! Say it isn't so. She doesn't do anything for protection, just keeps getting hit with weapons. She goes claiming she is writing her own work but we know about what she has tried to pull off, what, from inspiration? She was inspired to re-create this work? No. Definitely no. We have to watch people like her, just to make sure she doesn't get away with anything else. All we can do is shake our heads at her, anyway. She really just doesn't get it.
Read more…
This Wednesday is the candle night I talked about a few weeks ago, if you guys would like to, its on Earth Day. Preferably vanilla candles, light them to dispel darkness.
Read more…
Everything. I've tried bettering my life, tried the CNA program, tried the para-legal program, dropped out of both of them, and now if I suggest more schooling everyone says, "You're just gonna quit again and then you'll say, why did I waste all that money?" Even things I think I'd be good at like an M>F>A in poetry writing, no, I'd probably fail, I'm defeated, I'm worthless, I'm left for dead, its the this terrible stance I have after having the world set against me, that everything is against me, the ugly mental abuse from DJ's, the media, the reporters locally and on yahoo, they think its somehow fitting or funny or worthwhile to mind fuck a schizophrenic, a person who is being electronically tortured to near death, never telling me the truth, concealing everything from me/ I'd say a 6 year old child has more of a moral compass than these people, more common sense, I mean, does it make sense that the DJ's are watching me? How absurd is that? How completely hideous! And then I find out that a local reporter, a female lesbian, she has written off-handed articles that indirectly attack me, and guess what? They voted her number one news reporter in the Quad Cities!! You know why? Because she may have felt some heat from me for what she said, she may have felt some guilt or some sort of incrimination of what she did, so, they have to build her back up, they have to boost her morale, and here's the main thing, Boost her up, and shoot me down, that's the way it goes, destroy me, cut me down, expect me to be perfect, while they get away with murder. It is murder too, this is killing me. My throat is not right, my drinking is out of control and my pain levels have to be causing potential brain tumors. There were chances blown by the last administration, with the help of the Christians to start this country over, if all these people can't get the job done, to end the torture and targeting, then give them the boot!! Start over. We needed this so badly. We needed Ron Paul. We needed so much from so many, and all they do is turn their heads, laugh, be critical, ignore, become sardonic, carry on as if nothing is happening. Nothing is happening??? Oh yeah, people aren't being tortured electronically. People are not being watched and mentally abused to the point of major mental illness. Let's see, can we just talk about Easter? Oh yeah, its Easter! Well, Happy Fucking Easter to everyone who gets to live a normal, healthy life free from targeting, abuse and torture, and excuse me for being a thorn in your side. Some higher educated populace with their pretensions and big opinions that don't solve anything in the world, while the real people are carrying all the weight of a two-ton world made of rock that can't be blasted out to see the truth. The truth? Its almost 3 months and Obama hasn't done a thing for us. This should have been the very first thing done. All these people lying and withholding information and accusing me of being a bad person, what in the hell is going on here with this country? I don't care anymore. I don't care about the past, barely about the future. I don't care if I fall in love or fall out of love, or fall for more crap that seems good. I don't care about the men I've known, the jobs I could have, the life I could live. I don't care about anything. Yeah, that's really got me pissed off, that the reporters who slam me get awards from their colleagues, even after running me out the door, all of them voted for her, as if to say, We have to all stick together against this common enemy named Sheri Grutz.
Read more…
It's a crime to watch me through satellite,but it's a sin to comment on it. Barb Ickelikes to write articles that indirectly attackme and so she gets voted number one newsreporter in the Quad Cities. The guys inthe Quad Cities who come on to me, theyget their own shows. The know it all'sat the Quad City Times, they get to keeptheir jobs after running me out the door.Ah, home. What a feeling of utter contempt,of bad politics and cruel weather. And thenthey thank God they don't have the crimeof Chicago.Do they have to watch me?No, they don't have to be criminals.Do they have to comment on me?No, they don't have to go to hell.Could they have helped me instead?You bet. But all bets are off.This is a contest of who loses the most.Funny how I never even entered.It gets even worse.They are watching me being torturedand still slam me on their jobs,the jobs they get paid money for andhating me that I get money from thegovernment while I try to fight peoplelike them as my full-time job.Ah, home. Hand-held through hellno rising water could help.
Read more…
We need to light our small flames in this world of darkness.I would like to set aside one night in the month of April, which happens to be national poetry month, to light a vanilla candle, vanilla because its calming and it will offer us peace just for one night, one night that we light our candle.I am asking all T.I.'s and people who are involved in our community to light your candle on this night.The date is April 22nd, which happens to also be earth day. Its a Wednesday. As soon as it starts to get dark, light your vanilla candle and leave it lit until you go to bed.God will see all these candles, and there will be action in this world.Also, this date will be around the time that President Obama has been in office for 90 days. I have already declared that if we don't see action in 90 days, it will take something greater than what a government or a public can do for us. This is just something I believe, though there may come a time somewhere down the road where this adminstration will help us. It is very doubtful, friends. And, this stuff is killing us.Wednesday, April 22nd, light your vanilla candle for peace and for a request for help from God.
Read more…
From what I get hit with it, the only real sense of relief comes from a hot shower running over my head, and for the first 2 to 3 minutes, its like heaven, to be released from the crippling pain.I'm in a series of hard days, today is no different, with electric headache to the very top of my head that goes deep inside and energy over me, waves of it come on and off like someone has hit me over the head and I will pass out. Then I get laser induced plasma too.I'm losing this war I feel, because when the pain gets unbearable I drink alcohol and its now become an addiction. They have been hitting me for the past year and half just about constantly, every day, I don't feel I can take anymore.There is no end in sight, I feel the end is going to mean death. I continue to write my poems as an outlet and to spread the word. Its a terrible existence.
Read more…
Pain settles over fissureslike a house,settling over the shiftof the moon, and theloose ends of lives aretied too tight to Hitler’s boots,creaking.And tied to the leg of a birdare some wordsthat escape reason andreturn with nothingas days fly by.Nothing is doneabout the cracks in theceiling when thepain settles; nothing is doneexcept a finished moonand the polished boots,creaks andcracks,and lives thatare settledon the truth.S.G.03-07-09
Read more…
Last night I was watching Idol with my daughter and one of the judges, Paula, had on a wild, 70's looking shirt with a scarf, so I said to the t.v., "Nice outfit, Paula." She sighed. Then said, "It's going to be a long night." These people are not only watching me, they are hearing me. So, I'm giving up watching this show. I hope they are happy, they won't have to put up with me anyone. It happens to be the only network show I watch on television. I watch some public television, mainly news shows. Now, I'm done watching this show.Maybe it was Jung who said something like once you lose everything you are free because they can't take anything else away from you. I still have books, but barely, because the Pulitzer Prize last year was for an author who used the word retard 3 times in the first 30 pages of the book, and this won their prize, plus the author criticized poems that are very close the ones I write by calling them stupid. Its not safe anywhere with anything we do.
Read more…
Posted by SheriGrutz on February 26, 2009 at 11:24pm
I thought 2008 was bad enough, but now, into 2009, the torture to the top of my head, the laser induced plasma and the sexual attacks are stronger than ever! I am cutting all of my hair off and starting a massive Army-style mission, and I ask you to do the same. WE ARE SICK OF THIS! I've already lost thousands of dollars to some perp who scammed me outta money. My children may be targets. If this doesn't get my blood boiling, I don't know what will, because both of them have special needs, cystic fibrosis and Down syndrome! I have been dealt enough in this life. I have had my share of heart aches and personal suffering, and to have to compound it with daily abuse of weapons to my body...its not FAIR! I hope all these evil people burn in hell, along with anyone else who is watching and partaking of my tortures and NOT helping me. All of you, Burn In Hell.We need to seriously be thinking of getting off of these computers, and taking action! In December I used the phones, and I called the radio stations and the newspapers. They told me they would get back to me if they can help me, and they never called back. WHAT IN THE HELL?? I have been knowing I'm a target for almost 15 years now, and NO ONE can help me? You have got to be kidding me! Not one neighbor, former friend, newspaper reporter, television actor, television news anchor, Hollywood superstar, Hollywood producer, network producer, not one DJ, not one person who knows about this, and are watching me, can come forward and give me the proof???? What is it, they are too in love with their jobs and the corruption that got them into the know? They are too scared to come forward? They would rather not get involved? They would rather keeping watching the reality television show here???? OMG!! What we have here is a bunch of dead weight on the other end of the scale, and they are all forcing me to go flying over the edge, catapulting myself like being shot through the night and seeing where I land. I could land on Mars for all they care. And its getting harder to breathe around here.Sheri Marie Grutz
Read more…
Posted by SheriGrutz on February 26, 2009 at 11:05pm
The double standard here is that these people have access to our targeting, they are watching us, reading our minds and watching our dreams...I would bet my life that they are. And yet, there have been lots of news articles that skirt the issue of mind control, nothing that comes out and outlines what they are seeing, what they are witnessing, but for applications that they can find that take hold in our every day world. We, are not the every day world...we are targeted individuals that are seen as being in a vacuum of time and space, being on hold, being kept in silence and ignorance for all of these years, because THEY, the media, cannot or will not bring forth the information we need to proceed in a lawsuit and to get out of our individuals tortures. How do they do it? How do they hold all the cards and then flippantly, and editorially write some sort of article about mind control that precludes them from any involvement? Not only do they play games with each other, to see who will go farthest in the reporting, but they play games with our lives, human beings waiting for a chance to be painfree. We call for a Radio Free and Media Free world. A world free from the stranglehold over the information that is so dire for so many people like us being Tortured Every Day of Our Lives. If anyone has an information about our targeting, they need to come forward immediately! They have an ethical, moral and fundamental obligation to offer us evidence and proof. My phone number is 563-659-2519. My cell phone number is 563-212-1133.Sheri Grutz
Read more…
Posted by SheriGrutz on February 24, 2009 at 12:22am
Mr. Biden,This morning I got a phone call from a new friend who faces a similar life situation of being targeted, abused, surveilled, and otherwise silenced, overlooked, or pushed aside to keep this an ongoing secret.This young man who called me was talking and then broke off into a deep and prolonged cry while trying to say, "I can't imagine what its like for you, a woman, being hit every day with weapons, trying to raise your kids."This was the first time I've heard anyone cry for me, though there may be others. There may be many people who want to see a justifiable end to the onslaught and the suffering.It is very difficult to be attacked and not want to fight back, its almost a natural reaction, to get angry and want to scream. The truth is, I'm not angry enough. None of us are. This is worse than Hitler, and yet, nothing is being done.I implore you to not stop thinking of us, the targets across the world, who have sacrificed everything, and continue to be abused right in the comfort of our own homes, our own bodies, our own minds.We need your help. We need safe houses. We need action.I volunteered for the campaign, and I actually met Michelle Obama when she came to my town and spoke. It is very good to see through a new vision. I see a lot that is needed. But perhaps that's a mental mirror.If we could get a contact, an agency, a group that will take up our cause, investigate and thoroughly stretch to the limit on getting to the bottom of this. We need this soon. We need this now.Sincerely,Sheri Grutz
Read more…
Posted by SheriGrutz on February 23, 2009 at 11:06pm
I've changed doctors, since my local health unit are a bunch of Nazi's, and the new clinic is out at the university hospitals. I saw a resident doctor that I hope to see awhile before he leaves, and a senior doctor in the office. When asked, "Do you think I'm just crazy?" Both of the doctors said, "No, we believe you." These visits are not for action politically, but are for therapy and analysis. I am currently taking 12mg of invega, and 50mg of zoloft. I have had schizophrenia since age 20, but I had a very rocky childhood as well, with emotional breakdowns. If I do not take medication, I will hear every thought in my head, it will become acoustic, and I will hear voices again. At first I thought I had DID, but no, its schizophrenia. I will continue seeing this clinic every month.
Read more…
Posted by SheriGrutz on February 22, 2009 at 5:20am
One of the main things that is done is to torture to the head and then reward with sexual pleasure or sexual arousal. After about 2 days of constant torture to the head, the body wants pleasure, the body will give in and the mind will follow and then the body will become addicted to the pleasure, so that a pattern is set up in the mind, a pattern that is repeated over and over just through "thought." It could also be memory. They want us to develop and retrace the steps. This is one way they program us, or condition us like pavlov's dog. Many days its torture and sexual arousal together that are acting upon my mind, and my mind is both harmed and fragile.They also reward our emotions with more of the same emotion so that they can reinforce a feeling for us that they want to learn about in our thinking, rewarding our own natural thoughts, and for me, keeping me in a state of fear, a state of bliss, a state of heightened buzz, euphoria, deep imagination. They use smells also to trigger a thought they want, or a thought that might be there that is rewarded with a smell, probably one of our own smells that they have programmed into us.
Read more…
