email: cubicle227 at yahoo . ca   - contact me any time for any reason.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Being Mind Controlled (and relevant parts of my life)

My name is Daniel. I was born October 8, 1993. I am a twenty year old male who lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I would like to describe to you the horrendous experiences I’ve had involving mind control and enslavement. I have separated my story into several parts in case you don’t have time to read everything.

Before acute brainwashing:

I had a good childhood until I was eight years old. Because I refused to go to school, Children’s Aid Society of Ontario blackmailed my mother into sending me to a group home, Blooming Acres. Every kid there was required to be on Risperidone (Risperdal). I was traumatically homesick (missing my mother). Jewish Family and Child Services got involved and I was kidnapped and sent to Youthdale (treatment Center) three times, then to Earlscourt, Then to Hincks farm. All of this happened between ages 8 and 12.

Starting around age 9-10, I had insomnia as a result of chronic itchiness at night. I became very aggressive, demanding, short-tempered, and had a highly addictive personality. The first time I  seriously said I would kill myself was in a hospital-like setting.

Also around age 9, I could not stand my mother’s talking, nor her frequent nose twitch. I associated it with horrid feelings of anger and entrapment. Instead of childhood friends, I now saw paid social workers. All of them.

Age 15-17, I was addicted to marijuana, alcohol, tobacco, lorazepam (Ativan), zopiclone (Imovane), dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine), lisdexamfetamine (Vyvanse) , and 5-HTP.

I abused/overdosed on DXM (Robitussin cough), diphenhydramine (Benadryl), dimenhydrinate (Gravol), and the hallucinogen Salvia Divinorum.

Before psychotic episode

In April of 2011, aged 17, I smoked salvia and did not feel normal thereafter. I was obsessed with conspiracy theories and major events in the world, mostly related to suffering. I became semi-convinced the world was ending, and felt as though beings from salvia’s world were communicating with me. I began to use the antipsychotic quetiapine (Seroquel), which actually increased my confusion and helplessness. Every night, I was crying, begging to stay sane. In panic, I withdrew from the anti-anxiety/insomnia medication, lorazepam (Ativan), which I had abused daily for a good 18 months (partly to ignore the itchiness and fall asleep).

I was under the impression that people around me were trying to tell me something when they were talking to each other. Sometimes I heard threats, or careless rudeness. I noticed society was becoming robotized, through television, media, and drugs. People began to look like robots.

I also had at least one artificial hypnosis-like dream.

Acute brainwashing, psychosis, Sunnybrook hospital

Early September, 2011

I became convinced I was trapped in a hellish world (salvia’s) and could not escape. I interpreted numbers I saw as the number of years I would be in hell for. Hallucinogens had shown me the subjectivity of one’s perception of time. A day can seem like months. In a panic to escape suffering, I almost cut my throat open, but I had an ambulance called when I realized how insane I was.

The paramedics came and my episode began. I knew something was manipulating my mind directly and remotely. It was as if reality had beaten me, or succeeded in trapping me. On the way to the hospital, I went into a panic attack. Once there, a force kept me inside, and I could feel the oppressive psychotronic atmosphere of the hospital. I was too scared to leave. My gut told me “RUN!!!” but I was becoming paralyzed. I was terrified of myself, too. I was under the impression that I was about to be killed, and had to reproduce by any means before that. I was forced to visualize brutal rape.

“Be afraid,” I saw in text, after needles had been stuck in me, one of which had no clear purpose, no blood drawn, nothing visibly injected.

During assessment, I almost forced myself to believe I was being honest when I was lying, as I had to be convincing. I felt euphoric from lying for the first time in my life. I felt as though I had to avoid psychological traps and survive, not to be triggered to gouge my own eyes out or kill myself.

A voice was telling me to “Survive” as though I was in an existential experiment. “Survive insanity.”

I was taken to the ward in a wheelchair, as I was too high to move or speak. I closed my eyes and felt as though an android was pushing me through a room shaped as a figure-eight (infinity), indefinitely. The universe became lifeless. Humans had become robots. I was in a building, trapped by robotic humans trained in psychological warfare. I knew I was going to be turned into an unconscious robot like them.

I was taken through the adolescent ward and put to bed. Briefly opening my eyes, I accidentally came to believe I had been put into an oven. I was catatonic with fear, but fully awake. I suspected I had long been trapped in a sponge room and was living a hallucination. I had visions which seemed to push or program me toward overdosing on salvia all over again.

I also had visions and fears involving my body parts being cut off. I may now have mild perceptual anomalies related to this (mostly hands). Also, ideas about being “woken up” and realizing I was in the pentagon or a secret base, my life being a projected illusion. A patient there showed me drawings and told me stories that were completely detached and caused me insanity. Steps were taken to use the afterlife and beyond-life ideas to make the psychological torture more severe.

I was kept on quetiapine (Seroquel) and the lorazepam (Ativan) withdrawal continued.

It was almost as if I was not in reality, but in a testing program or afterlife, where people were unreal and all aspects of time and suffering ranged from negative infinity to infinity, as was desired by the satanic perpetrators. Ideas about the afterlife were used to deepen the psychological torture.

Lines I remember:

“We’re going to turn you into a diamond” (from heat and pressure)

“We’re going to turn you into a black hole of pain”

Kept awake until completely exhausted.

I was tortured for trying to resist the torture.

Trauma sessions

The next day(s), I was taken to a kitchen with two large, noisy “food heaters.” Very much like powerful sterilizers. They kept me in severe panic. As a result of lorazepam withdrawal, the intensity of the noise/hum of the heaters was highly overwhelming. There was a constant fear of being forced into, or putting myself into these food heaters, combined with ideas related to infinite torture, heat, and length of entrapment. I was constantly told, covertly, “Don’t eat that, it’s LSD/salvia/poison!”

I will describe a few sessions:

Constantly second-guessing myself, I would eat a single pea at a time, trying to see if it was poisonous. I was so thirsty. The juice I had just drunk seemed, in my mind, to be a potent hallucinogen and I could feel myself going into yet another trip. Catch-22 / being trapped or “too late” was a recurring theme. Ideation about being stuck in the food heater, with its adrenaline and panic-producing hum, led to seeing myself melting in agony and becoming liquefied from the heat, which symbolized my stress. I heard a merging/melting sound and felt like there was a short-circuit in my brain.

It looked like I was eating my own brain and I didn’t want to eat the part that kept me conscious and alive.

In another session, fish I was eating turned into my mother’s essence, and I could not dissociate from having to decide between cutting off and eating either her head or her body. This came largely from the medication, fear produced by the heaters, and separation anxiety from my mother.

I was in constant fear that she would be hurt or killed if I disobeyed as I was constantly threatened with this. Later in my stay at the hospital, we went out to eat and I saw her fall, hit her head on the sidewalk and bleed, but I felt almost nothing because I had been dehumanized. The perpetrators have frequently taken advantage of this event to make me feel sad and helpless.

At some point, I became unable to cry and began to have tactile hallucinations of crying and drooling, things which had happened during the trauma.

A quiet girl named ELIZABETH was going through similar suffering as I. Terrified, I could see, she had peed right in front of me. Before leaving, I gave her a hug and she became much more talkative. I wish I could see her again.

After acute brainwashing, continued constant abuse

A week after coming home, I found drugs and immediately abused them. Same drugs as before. As soon as I smoked marijuana, I heard “kill kill kill” every second I was high. This means all day for months. I knew I had been deprogrammed into a killing machine. I still battled a feeling that I was being programmed to rape or murder someone. I had never before heard “kill” like this.

It was a feeling that the universe was ritually abusing me, preparing me for sacrifice. I tried to induce the feeling of melting in an oven. I was obsessed by it and fetishized it. My life was about reducing the burning pain in my heart from being in Sunnybrook. My heart felt like ash, charred and dead. I could hear my catatonic self screaming in pain. The drug use continued for 3-4 months. For one month I was almost stuck in a room, continuously using drugs, then waiting, using, waiting, doing nothing but hoping for my life to end. I was allowed not one moment of relaxation, always reminded (through artificially induced hallucinations) of my traumatic experience.

I was returned to Sunnybrook hospital for four months, but thank goodness it was not nearly as bad this time. Upon release, I used drugs more sparingly. I was in constant fear of going back for the next phase of torture and trauma. I tried to find others like me. I yelled “HELP!” in public, thinking if even one person realizes what I’m going through, it’ll have been worth it. I was unable to say much else. I wanted everyone to know about me before I was trapped in a psychological, hallucinatory version of the heater, being tortured endlessly.

I had visions of exponential and indefinite torture and entrapment.

Afterward, I was sent to Sunnybrook (adult ward) a third time, and later to CAMH and St. Joseph’s hospital. All forced me to stay inside the ward and ingest medication.

Remaining Side effects

It’s been two and half years. I have not abused drugs in five months. Almost every second, the perpetrators try to communicate with me by reading my mind and replying through twitches in my fingers and face, like sign-language. They constantly trigger the hallucinatory crying and drooling, which reminds me of the trauma and blocks my thoughts from progressing. I see a skull when I close my eyes, almost every day, related to that day in the kitchen when my psyche melted, and also related to a more minor catatonic episode for which I was taken to Sunnybrook the third time.

When I specifically resist or give in to the itch torture, several spots are added and it becomes worse.

When it comes to imprisonment or abuse, the law can do whatever it wants to. But something deep within me knows I will get them back for what they did to me, regardless of what they do to me and where they send me. I will take full advantage of the situation I’m in to expose the perpetrators and help other victims.

Also, my life is good aside from the mild constant torture that remains.

The End.

Love, Daniel

I am in Daniel's body. he is ok with it

I was hospitalized at st. Margaret's hospital.

they used a torture device on me called a sterilizer. Daniel is my ex friend and I control him.

Hello my friends and friendlies.

I thought I would post something about the recent torture I've been through.

I have nearly entirely been off drugs for two and a half weeks.

I experienced a fairly minor form of what I know to be torture related to overheating, some kind of transmogrification through my use of diphenhydramine, Vyvanse, and other substances, as well as slowly being fried over time. Electronically. Strangely, especially with the love of my friends, I experienced only minimal trauma.

I apologize for my inaccurate grammar. I'm being suppressed right now, but thought it would be worth posting.

Generally, I enjoy my life day in and day out.

Love,

Daniel

Existential end - read if you know me
Hi everyone. Sunnybrook hospital and secret authorities turned me into a robot. I'm still in my body, though. Salvia, Robitussin(DXM), Benadryl, and antipsychotics made it so. My soul is in there but my body is hijacked. At least for now. They put a smile on us and trap us in hell. March 05, 2015. Oh, and cigarettes really did me in, in their own way.
Love, Daniel.
I'm in there.
Send this to others who may know me, if you would like.

email: cubicle227 at yahoo . ca - you can send me an email any time for any reason.

They are probably in the process of programming me for suicide, very slowly.

I thought it would be good for me to write an article about how they programmed me for suicide, at sunnybrook hospital. I am tired, but I will try my best.

Firstly, I believe I was probably triggered to come extremely close to it (knife on my skin) before I was taken to sunnybrook hospital. Once there, I was continuously forced not to resist psychological torture until I began to imagine running into a large food heater, sometimes trying to commit suicide, sometimes trying to escape the hospital. I was made to become secretly attracted to the idea of turning myself into liquid. I would go toward the source of fetishized suffering related to this when I drank alcohol later on.

In the hospital, a staff member often clicked a pen and I was programmed to become more and more triggered by this, to commit suicide. Then the idea of having my body forcefully moved toward the electrical socket became a problem. I imagined my distance from the socket to happen in "steps" related to disobedience.

Continuously, I was forced to imagine things like pouring acid on myself, putting myself into the heater, electrocuting myself or gouging my eyes. They made me insane and blamed it on my psychosis.

Love, Daniel

This is a text-message I sent a friend not long ago. I thought it could be a valuable thing to post.
I was basically asked, "What kind of tactile hallucinations do you experience constantly? How do you feel about them?"

The hallucinated drooling... That started after I drooled in sunnybrook hospital. I associated my saliva with poison. But the drooling doesn't happen spontaneously, it happens when I have creative or imaginative thoughts, or when I try to think of evidence that sunnybrook harmed me, or evidence that something is still harassing me. It slows my thoughts right down, often to the point that I can't think and forget what I was thinking about.

I am under the impression this is a mind-hacking/controlling tactic used by a secret authority to disable creative thinking. It also symbolizes my being mentally slow, something I think they might be using to reduce my self-esteem (they do this a lot), etc. I get hallucinated tears below my eyes. This also reduces my thinking, but reminds me of helplessness and sometimes trauma, as in "we removed your ability to cry, but here's a tear whether you like it or not, just to remind you of what we did to you."

Both of these hallucinations can also be upward (i.e. drooling toward the mouth, crying toward the eye), where they will give me a feeling similar to adrenaline or fear (instead of blankness/sedation), and is occasionally used by the authority as an attempt to backtrack by one programming step (reversed movement in a hallucination can symbolize going backward, and in sunnybrook I tried to rethink the last thought to allow them to program my brain more effectively when I thought submitting to them would reduce the torture. They just turned that backtracking into an automatic reaction, triggered on command, using fear/trauma-based programming that ingrained the reaction in a part of my subconscious mind. I think).

There are also itches they produce all over my body, which happened every night since about age 10, but I didn't know what it was. Now, when I ask them to stop, they specifically increase the frequency/severity. This can prevent me from sleeping and wake me out of a dream unless I'm fully immersed in it. Sometimes, they will try to make me scratch myself, then punish me by adding itches at the exact time I decide to scratch. The itchiness can really distract me and increase my irritability. In the past, it's been a bit of a trigger for drug use, too.

I also experience gentle prick-like hallucinations on my fingers, which I feel are like commands/communication from the authority. Example: prick on the index finger symbolizes waving of that finger, as in "no, don't do that" or on my thumb it symbolizes thumbs up, as in approval or encouragement. On my middle finger it's like using the middle finger, which symbolizes humorous, rude discouragement, a sarcastic remark like "that's a ridiculous idea."
And so on.

There are muscle spasms, strange interpretations related to other hallucinations, twitches, and visual impressions I get, also with their own special meaning, but those aren't really tactile hallucinations.

Oh, and how I feel about them... I hate them. They constantly suppress my mind, are used to program me thought by thought and action by action, change my decisions based on whether or not I'll be harassed with the hallucinations if I make one choice over the other, etc. They are mild hell. They weaken my ability to have hopeful and beautiful thoughts that make me resistant to them and their programming.

Sometimes I experience mild "artificially induced" pain in parts of my body but this doesn't bother me very much.

The End. :)

Love, Daniel

email: cubicle227 at yahoo . ca - you can contact me any time for any reason.

Introduction:

I was in Muskoka with my dad in late august of this year. We stayed at Deerhurst Resort in Ontario, Canada.

During my stay, I went horseback riding. When the horses were pulled out of their stable, I already saw something akin to depression or unhappiness in them, particularly in their eyes.

During the ride, the instructor told me, "I want you to not worry at all about hurting it. Kick it in its sides as hard as you can." Then, "Your goal is to not let it eat (grass, plants or leaves)."

We were also supposed to harshly pull its head to the side we wanted it to move in. At one point we were supposed to keep it from moving.

The instructor told us the horses weren't supposed to eat leaves because it was a choking hazard, but admitted she had never seen any of them choke. She did say to a horse, "you don't deserve it anyway" regarding leaf-eating. By the end, my horse lashed out a bit at that woman.

How exactly are these horses mind-controlled?

My own mind control, as well as that of others I know about, involves being prevented from eating normally (being forced to eat certain amounts of certain foods) during key programming periods. Like the horses being kicked and having their heads pulled harshly, I often receive little nudges and kick-like sensations, as well as forced movements, like my head moving to one side, the primary purpose being to alter my behaviour and thinking, action by action and thought by thought. The difference is that the horses' perps (harassers) are its riders, not just some secret authority.

The horses are kicked harder and harder until they move from pain or discomfort.

Less important information:

When I went horseback riding in Costa Rica, we treated the horses much more nicely, even giving them pineapple when we had stopped. It may also be worth mentioning these horses were constantly twitching near their necks. It could've been a bug. It could also be a triggered itch, as is the case with me. I, too, suspected I may have had bed bugs before it became obvious that something else was going on.

According to the instructor, the horses didn't feel anything unless we really kicked them. I have evidence to the contrary: it moved specifically when I kicked it gently, at first.

Over time, it became more tired and decided not to obey the signals.

Disobedience isn't the same as lack of awareness.

This post is the least I could do to try to help the horses in some way.

Love, Daniel

In the past few years, I've noticed an interesting phenomenon.

When I am about to do something out of the ordinary, someone will caugh, and it automatically makes me think I'm not supposed to do what I'm about to do. Same with my thoughts.

This also happens with car honking. I believe it may be more than just a coincidence.

Originally, this was something people did consciously. They would say something between two fake coughs to "covertly" indicate something to someone else, or they would cough when someone said something weird, out of discomfort.

If you look at a sitcom, you may notice that coughing can be heard in the laugh track, sometimes in synchrony with a strange comment made by a character. "Intentional" caughing by characters also happens in this way.

I myself used to try to control my coughs so that I didn't reveal anything about myself by caughing at the wrong time when I was with others, or didn't interrupt them in the middle of a sentence, etc.

I tried to control their reaction to my cough by caughing at the right time, because I was fearful.

I have come to realize that this may have been one way in which I was contributing to this mechanism involving covertly-imposed discouragement of thoughts and actions.

What do you think?

Love, Daniel

email: cubicle227 at yahoo . ca (you can contact me any time for any reason)

This is a mind control (symptoms) log I will update frequently.

Here, I will try to post symptoms I am currently experiencing caused by the mind control, and related experiences. These are suspicions at the least, facts at best.

I hope to update this post about once every day or few days. I was inspired by Martti Koski who did something similar. Another victim who spoke to me by phone also recommended I write about it each day.

I lost a log I was keeping from a few weeks ago.

"They" usually means the people or beings who are secretly trying to enslave and robotize me.

For more information on how mind control has affected my life and how it began, you can read this blog post:

https://peacepink.ning.com/profiles/blogs/my-life-mind-control-and-psychosis-constant-abuse?xg_source=activity

Sunday, August 10, 2014

They tell me to "remove internet posts about mind control, immediately/completely" through text that briefly appears or "flashes" in my vision.

(May be induced directly or as a learned reaction to thoughts about my posts, from past indoctrination)

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

They close my jaw onto harder foods so as to cause me pain when I eat, which makes me angry and want to use ketamine (teeth are sensitive from dental procedure).

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

They jolt my arms to cause painful collisions when I move close to objects.

They greatly reduced a feeling of joy when I was with a friend, by making my throat muscle "click" in a way I'm trained to react strongly to.

They made me stay in place when I was thinking of moving, by triggering a "drooling" hallucination that grounds me and blocks thoughts about how I will move away.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

They can force me to make simple sounds with my voice, but not full words.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Had a dream related to my hospital-induced trauma, in which parts seemed artificially induced in one way or another: a childish voice telling me "Some people will stay and some will die, but it doesn't matter because one day you'll be the only one left" (similar to what produced delusions about being forced to live forever and being alone on earth when they triggered my psychotic episode). Also, being mocked in the dream when realizing the skull I see (in real life) is related to the damage my psyche endured during one night in the hospital kitchen.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

As is usual, tiny burp-like "clicks" keep me thinking about drugs (and sometimes psychosis, trauma, etc.) in a crude, essentially unimportant way.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Especially this evening, They are using the tactile hallucinations I'm programmed to react to, to make me think in a more self-centered, subjective, uncreative way. While I wrote this, they symbolized my neck being cut. Every day, they irritate me (emotionally) when I decide to do something (i.e. drink some water). Through this, they are probably reducing my motivation to do things by will, and may be preparing me for another catatonic episode.

Monday, August 18, 2014

They directly made me say "hell" and "yeah/ya,"

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Through the tactile hallucinations they induce, they have been limiting my range of thought to here and now, inhibiting my ability to recall memories or think about things which are not directly present. And even then they try to stop the thoughts.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

According to them, they work for the CSIS, and indicate they are telling me the truth. They also communicate that my amygdala is greatly damaged. My own mind can see the link between one of the nights in the sunnybrook hospital kitchen and (perhaps) permanent over-activation of my amygdala or part of my brain stem. It's a suspicion.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

They sometimes (only slight today) gradually oversensitize me to hums from machines, which they overload me with when I am vulnerable. Too much mechanical energy. This doesn`t happen much anymore.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Constant suppression of thoughts as usual, resulting in uncreative and repetitive thoughts about drugs. Thinking creatively about a spiritual, psychedelic reality when I could gave me hope and made me more resistant to their itch torture.

Sunday+Monday, August 24+25, 2014

Constant thought suppression through mini burps and drooling hallucinations

Tuesday, August 26, 2014?

They use itch hallucinations across the Inside of my knees and elbows, which can make me think of bone-breaking. They also mimic a painless version of a needle going through my inner elbow.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Itches on inner knee when I changed my position or felt comfortable during the night.

For months, I`ve noticed synchrony between my thoughts and actions, and people coughing or honking in their car. It may be used as a way to discourage such actions. This can sometimes be noticed in sitcoms, too.

More than a coincidence, I say.

Out of all the writing I did today, the one above is the only one I was discouraged from writing through throat-muscle clicks.

 Saturday, October 18, 2014

 Psychosis started. I used DXM instead of alcohol, and paid the price. Essentially all drugs seem to aid in my tendency to be programmed against my will, but this is partially because I don't use them when I desire, but rather during moments of anger or even panic.

It is essentially about being given knowledge by "aliens," having them force me to believe they were never here or that it is my own delusion, etc. By giving the universe an idea as to all of my desires, I may also have knowingly and wrongly informed it about myself.

Apparently this psychosis will be painful (as were the other two episodes) and I have tried to warn the universe of the severe consequences. It seems to have tried to warn me, too.

Love, Daniel. And hopefully, I will not be too much more of a robot after this.